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My Battle With Anxiety 

     For as long as I remember I’ve always carried around this sense of nervousness. It would show up in the form of nausea before going to school as a kid, or getting sick when away from home, or crying over simple decisions. I didn’t know what it was at the time but looking back it’s clear that anxiety has been something of a constant struggle throughout my whole life.  
It’s a hard thing, feeling like your body and mind are betraying you. I didn’t want to be anxious all the time, I didn’t want to be sick all the time. In my head I knew I was overthinking, I knew I didn’t have to worry about every possible outcome of a situation, but I couldn’t stop myself. People from church would share verses with me like Philippians 4:6 which says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” their intentions were pure but anxiety isn’t something you can just snap out of and I don’t think that’s what God intended to portray with these verses… (Often translations interchange “anxiety” with the words “fret or worry,” which are two things much less severe than suffering from an anxiety disorder.) 

     The people who shared these verses with me were trying to help but in doing so they were belittling and invalidating the way I felt. It made me feel that I was doing something wrong in my relationship with God, because I wasn’t able to just feel better. What I didn’t understand was that, as close and I became with God, it wasn’t going to be a cure all for my pain. Just like someone with cancer won’t just be cured by God because of their faith. YES he certainly could cure us, whether we’re suffering from mental illness or physical ones. I know I’ve spent lots of times wondering why He won’t just do that, but then I realize that I can’t play God and tell Him what He should be doing. 

     I also don’t want to diminish the role that God can have and has had in helping overcome anxiety. Prayer and mentoring have helped me immensely in my struggle with anxiety. God provided us with doctors and medicine however to help as well. 
     Around Freshman year my anxiety really peaked, it manifested itself in the form of having an upset stomach often. My anxiety was constantly making me feel sick and to avoid feeling sick I stopped eating, because it seemed like a good solution at the time (LOL).

     However, I don’t want to focus too much on eating disorders in this post because I wanted it to be more about anxiety. Basically, everything started spiraling down hill fast and a Illness I had been able to manage on my own for most of my life was soon out of control. My anxiety had taken over. 

     I couldn’t go out with friends because I would feel sick, I couldn’t go to school, I couldn’t do anything. Life was awful. I didn’t think it would ever get better. 

     I was soon forced into seeking help from doctors and therapists and even though I was SO against this I really don’t think I ever would have gotten better without that support. 

     It’s not weak to seek help, and it’s not weak to need to take medicine to feel better. This is something I want to emphasize a thousand times over; TAKING MEDICINE FOR MENTAL ILLNESS DOES NOT MAKE YOU WEAK. It is honestly so enraging to me when I see posts like that show pills captioning it, “this isn’t an antidepressant” and then a forest or something captioning it “this is an antidepressant” LIKE EXCUSE ME?? We don’t shame people with physical illnesses for using medical resources do we? 

     It’s absolutely ridiculous and just contributes to the fact that mental illness isn’t recognized as an actual thing by so many people. Even though by 2030 mental illness (specifically depression) in this study, is set to outrun cancer, stroke, war and accidents as the leading cause of death and disability. It’s so appalling to me that such a serious thing is barely recognized. 

     Anyway, back on track. My mental and physical health improved a thousand times once I started receiving treatment for anxiety, depression and anorexia. This included taking medicine, which I still take to this day. 

     I would say I’m out of the thick of it, I sometimes experience a bit of anxiety. I sometimes have panic attacks. However, from where I was to where I am now is SO much better. 

     I really wanted to share my story because there is so much stigma around Mental Illness and people who suffer from it. Barely anyone ever speaks out about their struggles and I think that needs to end. 

     I would love to hear your own stories with Mental Illness, whether it affected you or someone you love. Comment them or send me a message! 

Always remember, there is hope. ❤️


Xoxo, 

Ruby Marie

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Blog

How To Love Yourself!!

Hey it’s Ruby & today I wanted to share with you all something that I have been working hard on the past few years of my life, & that is: LOVING YOURSELF!

I feel like in today’s society, especially as a young woman, there are so many standards we are pressured to meet. Whether that is how we should look, how we should act, what we should wear.

Society is out here telling us we need to look like models with a small waist, tan skin, big assets if you know what I mean.

Society is telling us that we shouldn’t show too much skin, we’re chastised if we do but at the same time don’t cover yourself up too much because then they’ll say you’re insecure or submissive.

Society is telling us to voice our opinions, but not too loudly. We’re told to love ourselves but if you do you’re labeled as being conceited….

So what should we do?

Honestly, we should say SCREW THAT, screw stereotypes, screw stigmas, screw labels. Screw anything that doesn’t speak love. Be you and unapologetically you, because YOU are WORTHY of LOVE.

YOU were created to be loved.

YOU were created not to envy others but to appreciate the beauty of all, including yourself.

So how can you do this?

  1. Eliminate Negative People From Your Life. You will have a hard time appreciating your beauty and uniqueness if there’s people whispering in your ear that you’re not that great. This can come in the form of a friend who just puts you down, whether that is in the form of actual insults, or just not supporting you in your goals and dreams. This can come in the form of people who comment negatively on your social media, I mean why just not block these people? They’re not even worth your time of day. Whatever it is, whoever it is, no one deserves to be in your life if they aren’t adding to it positively. It will be hard to grow and flourish and love yourself if you don’t surround yourself with people who encourage you to do so.
  2. Include Self Care Time. We all need time to unwind, to remove ourselves from the world and just be alone. I like to do this by taking a long shower, napping, going on a walk with my dog, painting my nails. Whatever it is, make sure you include time in your week to just let your mind be still and do something that you enjoy. This can greatly reduce your stress levels and give you time to do something that makes you feel good.
  3. Do Things That Inspire You. It’s important to feed your soul. To do things that make you feel excited and adventurous and truly happy to be alive. Do things that make you appreciate how beautiful life is and fill you with joy, because when you’re joyful it’s hard to be down on yourself. 
  4. Always Give Yourself Grace. I can’t emphasize this enough. We so often act as our own harshest critics. I know I constantly overthink things I say and do when other people probably don’t even think twice about it. It’s easy to tell ourselves that we aren’t worth it, that we aren’t good enough, when this isn’t true. Self love starts from within. If you want to love yourself, you have to give yourself grace. You’re human. We all make mistakes. Life can be really hard and screwed up and we can be part of it, but as I said before YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. Even from yourself. Especially from yourself. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this post & I hope you enjoy my new niche. I’ll be posting every Monday, or at least trying to! Enter your email to be notified about new posts! 


Xoxox, 

Ruby Marie 

 

Blog

I Can’t Write About Something I Don’t Love 

      Around Christmas time I attempted Blogmas, and before that I’ve attempted to blog consistently for a over a year now, but every time I just can’t seem to stick with it. It would honestly pain me to write posts about nails and candles (although I do love candles) and all this materialistic crap that I wasn’t even interested in myself. But I did it because it’s what I thought people would want to read, and I did it because it’s what all of the big, popular bloggers did. 

     They have aesthetic, they have catchy posts about fashion and makeup and stuff that I just wish I could get into, but when I tried to do this, I was just a sub par version of their content. I can’t write about something I don’t love, about things I’m not passionate about. That’s not why I started a blog. Truth be told, I actually started a blog several years ago anonymously at the advice of a counselor to get my jumbled, self hating, depressed thoughts out & that was when I fell in love with the blogging world. 

     But not the blogging world I tried to be a part of when I started itsrubymarie because itsrubymarie is NOT a fashion blog, not a lifestyle blog, in the sense of cute aesthetic posts about dinner parties and such as I’ve tried to make it. No…That’s not what I’m passionate about. 

     I’m passionate about photography, about expressing myself in an artistic way, about mental health advocacy, about being a voice for those things that people don’t want to hear about. I’m passionate about Jesus and about people…And that, that is what I want to write about. From now on, that is what itsrubymarie will be about. 

Disclaimer: I know many of my followers probably follow itsrubymarie because of what it has been in the past, but I ask you to take a chance at this new journey & open your eyes to what I have to say (…or write) as it is truly what is closest to my heart. Also, this is no hate towards fashion & lifestyle bloggers, that’s just not me but I think y’all are amazing & wish I could look that cute all the time! 😉 

Thank you for reading, expect new posts soon & of course tons of pictures still. 


Xoxox, 

Ruby Marie 

Shoot me an email at rubyymarie.contact@gmail.com 

Blog, Fashion

Fashion Blog Collab // Blogmas Day 5

Happy Blogmas Day 5! Today has been the best day. First of all, it snowed & that just makes me happier than anything! Second, I had the opportunity to photograph Hannah Read, a local fashion blogger! I am very excited to start working together & doing more collabs in the future, so stay tuned for that! You can check out her site here: xoxoblissfullybrunette.com

These are just some of my favorites, you can check out the whole shoot on my Facebook page here: Ruby Marie Photography

Let me know what you think & what you would like to see more of!

xoxo,

Ruby Marie

 

portrait

Pumpkin Patch🎃

I feel like this Fall season has been exceptionally beautiful, I’ve had so many nice days to go out & shoot & I’m loving it! These are from a pumpkin patch trip a couple weeks back with one of my best friends. She’s adorable.

I’m dying to take more Fall photos so get in touch if you would want any taken, I would absolutely love that! It’s been crazy and amazing how many people have been supporting my photography lately, I am feeling crazy blessed so thank y’all!

Here are the photos of Angela from Mosby Farms:
Happy almost Halloween everyone! Have fun & stay safe! 🎃👻

Xoxo,

Ruby Marie

P.s. I made a photography page on FB, check it out- Ruby Marie Photography

Blog

How I’m Saving $20,000

Hey friends,

It’s been a while. And by a while I mean way too long. I don’t know why I can’t keep up with posting consistently. Honestly life just gets busy and blogging unfortunately becomes a low priority. You don’t know how many times I think, “wow I should blog that” and then end up getting busy, falling asleep, playing Pokemon Go, etc…😁

I’ve also been feeling a little lack of inspiration lately, so I really am going to try to blog more but I need input on what to blog about…(Comment your ideas on what I should write about…)

Anyway, I did get a comment a week or so ago asking to post about why I decided to stay here and go to Community College rather than a four year university. This is something I haven’t really liked talking about just because it seems to be all anyone has asked me about for the last few months. However, after struggling with the decision for quite a while I finally settled on what I was going to do and I feel pretty content with my decision. So here is my reasoning:

Okay, so I honestly think it’s a little crazy to expect everyone to go straight into a four year university, knowing their major and life plan right after high school. I mean, if you are one of those people who has that all figured out already good for you, but that’s definitely not the norm. And that’s definitely not me. Yet, it’s something that seems to be looked down upon, if you don’t have figured all out.

As I said earlier, I  really struggled with the decision to not go off to a four year university. I felt a little bit like a loser to be honest. In my mind people were going to think things like “wow, she’s dumb…not going anywhere in life,” and maybe they will. But I had to make the decision to not care.

After I took out my fear of what others would think, what I actually wanted to do become really clear. And that was; I didn’t know what I wanted to do. As in I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my future career, life path. So I thought, why would I spend a ridiculous amount of money to go off to a four year university when I don’t even know what I want to do?

For my senior oral boards I even calculated out the amount of money I would be saving by not going off to a four year university right away. It was right around 20,000 dollars. Which is crazy. I mean keep in mind that I did do running start for two years of high school and do have a significant head start on finishing my AA, but still. Crazy. 

So that’s my plan as of now, finish up my AA at Green River and then go off to maybe UW or Central, I’m not sure! If any of you have any experience at either of those schools comment your opinions!

Xoxo,

Ruby Marie

P.S. I know the comment also said to write about my boyfriend but I don’t know what to write about him lol, but just know he is perfect🙈