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My Battle With Anxiety 

     For as long as I remember I’ve always carried around this sense of nervousness. It would show up in the form of nausea before going to school as a kid, or getting sick when away from home, or crying over simple decisions. I didn’t know what it was at the time but looking back it’s clear that anxiety has been something of a constant struggle throughout my whole life.  
It’s a hard thing, feeling like your body and mind are betraying you. I didn’t want to be anxious all the time, I didn’t want to be sick all the time. In my head I knew I was overthinking, I knew I didn’t have to worry about every possible outcome of a situation, but I couldn’t stop myself. People from church would share verses with me like Philippians 4:6 which says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” their intentions were pure but anxiety isn’t something you can just snap out of and I don’t think that’s what God intended to portray with these verses… (Often translations interchange “anxiety” with the words “fret or worry,” which are two things much less severe than suffering from an anxiety disorder.) 

     The people who shared these verses with me were trying to help but in doing so they were belittling and invalidating the way I felt. It made me feel that I was doing something wrong in my relationship with God, because I wasn’t able to just feel better. What I didn’t understand was that, as close and I became with God, it wasn’t going to be a cure all for my pain. Just like someone with cancer won’t just be cured by God because of their faith. YES he certainly could cure us, whether we’re suffering from mental illness or physical ones. I know I’ve spent lots of times wondering why He won’t just do that, but then I realize that I can’t play God and tell Him what He should be doing. 

     I also don’t want to diminish the role that God can have and has had in helping overcome anxiety. Prayer and mentoring have helped me immensely in my struggle with anxiety. God provided us with doctors and medicine however to help as well. 
     Around Freshman year my anxiety really peaked, it manifested itself in the form of having an upset stomach often. My anxiety was constantly making me feel sick and to avoid feeling sick I stopped eating, because it seemed like a good solution at the time (LOL).

     However, I don’t want to focus too much on eating disorders in this post because I wanted it to be more about anxiety. Basically, everything started spiraling down hill fast and a Illness I had been able to manage on my own for most of my life was soon out of control. My anxiety had taken over. 

     I couldn’t go out with friends because I would feel sick, I couldn’t go to school, I couldn’t do anything. Life was awful. I didn’t think it would ever get better. 

     I was soon forced into seeking help from doctors and therapists and even though I was SO against this I really don’t think I ever would have gotten better without that support. 

     It’s not weak to seek help, and it’s not weak to need to take medicine to feel better. This is something I want to emphasize a thousand times over; TAKING MEDICINE FOR MENTAL ILLNESS DOES NOT MAKE YOU WEAK. It is honestly so enraging to me when I see posts like that show pills captioning it, “this isn’t an antidepressant” and then a forest or something captioning it “this is an antidepressant” LIKE EXCUSE ME?? We don’t shame people with physical illnesses for using medical resources do we? 

     It’s absolutely ridiculous and just contributes to the fact that mental illness isn’t recognized as an actual thing by so many people. Even though by 2030 mental illness (specifically depression) in this study, is set to outrun cancer, stroke, war and accidents as the leading cause of death and disability. It’s so appalling to me that such a serious thing is barely recognized. 

     Anyway, back on track. My mental and physical health improved a thousand times once I started receiving treatment for anxiety, depression and anorexia. This included taking medicine, which I still take to this day. 

     I would say I’m out of the thick of it, I sometimes experience a bit of anxiety. I sometimes have panic attacks. However, from where I was to where I am now is SO much better. 

     I really wanted to share my story because there is so much stigma around Mental Illness and people who suffer from it. Barely anyone ever speaks out about their struggles and I think that needs to end. 

     I would love to hear your own stories with Mental Illness, whether it affected you or someone you love. Comment them or send me a message! 

Always remember, there is hope. ❤️


Xoxo, 

Ruby Marie

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How To Love Yourself!!

Hey it’s Ruby & today I wanted to share with you all something that I have been working hard on the past few years of my life, & that is: LOVING YOURSELF!

I feel like in today’s society, especially as a young woman, there are so many standards we are pressured to meet. Whether that is how we should look, how we should act, what we should wear.

Society is out here telling us we need to look like models with a small waist, tan skin, big assets if you know what I mean.

Society is telling us that we shouldn’t show too much skin, we’re chastised if we do but at the same time don’t cover yourself up too much because then they’ll say you’re insecure or submissive.

Society is telling us to voice our opinions, but not too loudly. We’re told to love ourselves but if you do you’re labeled as being conceited….

So what should we do?

Honestly, we should say SCREW THAT, screw stereotypes, screw stigmas, screw labels. Screw anything that doesn’t speak love. Be you and unapologetically you, because YOU are WORTHY of LOVE.

YOU were created to be loved.

YOU were created not to envy others but to appreciate the beauty of all, including yourself.

So how can you do this?

  1. Eliminate Negative People From Your Life. You will have a hard time appreciating your beauty and uniqueness if there’s people whispering in your ear that you’re not that great. This can come in the form of a friend who just puts you down, whether that is in the form of actual insults, or just not supporting you in your goals and dreams. This can come in the form of people who comment negatively on your social media, I mean why just not block these people? They’re not even worth your time of day. Whatever it is, whoever it is, no one deserves to be in your life if they aren’t adding to it positively. It will be hard to grow and flourish and love yourself if you don’t surround yourself with people who encourage you to do so.
  2. Include Self Care Time. We all need time to unwind, to remove ourselves from the world and just be alone. I like to do this by taking a long shower, napping, going on a walk with my dog, painting my nails. Whatever it is, make sure you include time in your week to just let your mind be still and do something that you enjoy. This can greatly reduce your stress levels and give you time to do something that makes you feel good.
  3. Do Things That Inspire You. It’s important to feed your soul. To do things that make you feel excited and adventurous and truly happy to be alive. Do things that make you appreciate how beautiful life is and fill you with joy, because when you’re joyful it’s hard to be down on yourself. 
  4. Always Give Yourself Grace. I can’t emphasize this enough. We so often act as our own harshest critics. I know I constantly overthink things I say and do when other people probably don’t even think twice about it. It’s easy to tell ourselves that we aren’t worth it, that we aren’t good enough, when this isn’t true. Self love starts from within. If you want to love yourself, you have to give yourself grace. You’re human. We all make mistakes. Life can be really hard and screwed up and we can be part of it, but as I said before YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. Even from yourself. Especially from yourself. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this post & I hope you enjoy my new niche. I’ll be posting every Monday, or at least trying to! Enter your email to be notified about new posts! 


Xoxox, 

Ruby Marie 

 

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I Can’t Write About Something I Don’t Love 

      Around Christmas time I attempted Blogmas, and before that I’ve attempted to blog consistently for a over a year now, but every time I just can’t seem to stick with it. It would honestly pain me to write posts about nails and candles (although I do love candles) and all this materialistic crap that I wasn’t even interested in myself. But I did it because it’s what I thought people would want to read, and I did it because it’s what all of the big, popular bloggers did. 

     They have aesthetic, they have catchy posts about fashion and makeup and stuff that I just wish I could get into, but when I tried to do this, I was just a sub par version of their content. I can’t write about something I don’t love, about things I’m not passionate about. That’s not why I started a blog. Truth be told, I actually started a blog several years ago anonymously at the advice of a counselor to get my jumbled, self hating, depressed thoughts out & that was when I fell in love with the blogging world. 

     But not the blogging world I tried to be a part of when I started itsrubymarie because itsrubymarie is NOT a fashion blog, not a lifestyle blog, in the sense of cute aesthetic posts about dinner parties and such as I’ve tried to make it. No…That’s not what I’m passionate about. 

     I’m passionate about photography, about expressing myself in an artistic way, about mental health advocacy, about being a voice for those things that people don’t want to hear about. I’m passionate about Jesus and about people…And that, that is what I want to write about. From now on, that is what itsrubymarie will be about. 

Disclaimer: I know many of my followers probably follow itsrubymarie because of what it has been in the past, but I ask you to take a chance at this new journey & open your eyes to what I have to say (…or write) as it is truly what is closest to my heart. Also, this is no hate towards fashion & lifestyle bloggers, that’s just not me but I think y’all are amazing & wish I could look that cute all the time! 😉 

Thank you for reading, expect new posts soon & of course tons of pictures still. 


Xoxox, 

Ruby Marie 

Shoot me an email at rubyymarie.contact@gmail.com 

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7 Winter Activity Ideas // Blogmas Day 20 

With Christmas only 5 days away (how did that happen?!?!) most of you are probably out of school and looking for some fun, festive activities! So, I have compiled a list of Holiday and winter activity ideas that are a lot of fun! A lot of these are around the Seattle area, but I’m sure there are similar events in most places!

  1. Go Iceskating, there are tons of places to go Iceskating and it is honestly just such an enjoyable Holiday activity. Actually, I would say it’s enjoyable all year round but especially during Christmas season.
  2. Snowflake Lane, this is in Bellevue and they have a little Holiday parade and fake snow. It is very fun and entertaining! The only negative I have about it would be that it is very crowded! So, if you don’t like being squished next to lots of people, this wouldn’t be for you!
  3. Zoo Lights, I have to admit, zoo lights has been one of my favorite Holiday things to do ever since I was a kid. It is just so fun! I recommend going to The Point Defiance Zoo and Aquarium if you live in the Seattle area. Their’s is the best!
  4. Play In The Snow, there are lots of places like Snoqualmie Pass where you can go tubing and sledding in the snow for very cheap. If you want to spend no money, my friends and I often just go up to the Pass or Mountains and enjoy the snow by ourselves! It is lots of fun, but make sure you have proper vehicle safety precautions so you don’t get stuck!
  5. GingerBread House Shows, we go to this event every year at the Sheradon in Seattle, where you just walk around and admire giant GingerBread houses. They are made by really skilled people and are amazingly intricate and beautiful! I highly suggest going! It will blow you away!
  6. Drive Around & Admire Lights, this is another one of my favorite things to do during the Holidays. I am always amazed by the people who go all out with lights on their house. Where to find good places is pretty subjective to where you live but it’s not hard to find festive houses. (And it’s a fun adventure to go looking for them!)
  7. Take Santa Pictures, this one is pretty basic but lots of people seem to not do it because of that. Growing up, we always made a day event out of going to take Santa Photos that included going out to eat & some Christmas shopping. It can be lots of fun with the right spirits.

What are your favorite Holiday Activities? I’m always looking for new, fun things to do! Comment & let me know!


Xoxo,

Ruby Marie

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My Goals For 2017 // Blogmas Day 19 

First of all, I’m sorry for being a loser and missing Blogmas two days in a row….

If I’m being honest I didn’t plan these posts out enough, I jumped right from finals into Blogmas. Underestimating the amount of work it would be. Sigh…

If I do Blogmas again next year I know to be more prepared. Which kind of fits with this post, my goals for 2017! Here are … goals I want to achieve this coming year:

  1. Watch Less Netflix, Go Outside More, currently I spend way too much time watching Netflix and not enough time playing outside. This is sad because I love going outside. Going on hikes, going exploring, etc. So this is definitely a Big goal for 2017.
  2. Explore New Places, you probably saw my post of places that I want to visit next year, if not you can find it here. I crave adventures, I seriously want to see the whole world and since I’m at a place in my life where I don’t have any huge responsibilities (kids, house, etc) it seems like the perfect time to travel.
  3. Take More Portraitsof people other than my friends. I love taking photos, and it’s my dream to make it a full time job. Right now, I mostly shoot my friends, although I am starting to branch out. One of my goals that kind of goes hand and hand with traveling is to photograph more people!
  4. Treat My Body Better, I’m not saying I do horrible now but… Honestly, I could do so much better. I eat way too much junk food and exercise way too little. I really hope to improve these things in 2017 so that I can feel healthier and stronger!
  5. Stop Stressing As Much, I think this is one of my biggest flaws… I spend so much time worrying about everything; school, the future, friendships, just everything. I am aiming to shut this down in 2017. There are so many things that relive stress that I am not doing…Maybe I’ll write a post about all my methods to relive stress sometime. Just to give myself some inspiration and accountability.

So, these are my main goals for 2017! I might do another updated post on these around New Years if they change! What are your goals for the upcoming year?

Xoxo,

Ruby Marie

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Staying Strong in Recovery from an Eating Disorder During the Holidays // Blogmas Day 14 

I wanted to talk about something a bit more serious today. As much as I love movie and nail posts, writing about topics that can actually help people is much more near to my heart.

If some of you didn’t know, I used to suffer from Anorexia. It was really awful, and I remember during recovery and even in the depths of my disease The Holidays were so incredibly hard.

This season is centered around food, for someone suffering from an Eating Disorder, this can be a terrifying thing.

As part of recovery, I had to change my perspective on gathering to celebrate and eat. It was hard, so hard…and admittedly sometimes I still do struggle. But if I can tell you one thing, it’s that it got easier.

So here are some things that really helped me survive the holidays during my Eating Disorder & Recovery:

1. Adjust your perspective of gathering to eat,

Something that helped me immensely with this was Jefferson Bethke’s Book It’s Not What You Think, chapter 9, The Table’s Not What You Think. The chapter talks about how gathering to eat has always had a much deeper significance. Even back in Biblical times, eating together was a very special thing. Think of The Last Supper for example. Although this book isn’t designed to help people struggling with Eating Disorders, this chapter really helped change my perspective on getting together and eating. It’s about so much more than the food.

This whole book was amazing and I highly suggest reading it & checking the Bethkes’ YouTube Channel: Christianity Isn’t What You Think

2. Have An Accountability Buddy,

The second thing that helped me a great deal was having someone to keep you accountable.

It’s very easy to slide under the radar during the Holidays and not give yourself enough food. That’s why it is good to have an accountability partner.

Ask someone you trust to keep an eye on how much you’re eating and if you need to, even have them plate a proper amount of food for you.

My advice is to have this be someone like a friend or a parent and not someone who is also in Recovery.

3. Preparation is key, 

It is a good idea to discuss your worries about the upcoming Holiday and food situation with a counselor or someone that you trust.

This will help you come up with a plan and coping skills to make it through.

4. Avoid the temptation to isolate yourself,

It is very easy to want to crawl under a blanket during this season and not come out until the whole shabang of the holidays are over. I get it. However, that’s probably one of the worst things to do.

Don’t over exhaust yourself and go to every Holiday event there is, but make sure you spend time with friends and family.

It’s very easy not to eat when you’re alone, so make sure you are getting out there and being social. Even if it’s hard.

5. Celebrate the Victories, no matter how small, 

This is the time to give yourself some grace. It’s a hard season for people struggling, especially with something as brutal as an Eating Disorder. You just have to keep reminding yourself that you’re doing the best that you can. It’s okay to have hard days, even when everyone else around is so merry. It’s okay to struggle.

I just want to tell you that you can & you will beat this. It’s possible, it just takes hard work & persistence.

There is hope. Stay strong & always feel free to reach out to me for any help.

Xoxo,

Ruby Marie

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My Holiday Nais & 12 Other Festive Nail Ideas // Blogmas Day 12 

I always love go get my nails done, especially around Christmas. The dry weather of winter wreaks havoc on my hands, so I like my nails to at least look pretty.

I realize that most of these you would have to get done in a salon. Unless your nail painting skills are amazing (mine are not) so I’m sorry if you wanted DIY nails. Maybe I will do another post on that! Although, it would probably turn into a Pinterest fails post if I did lol.

Anyway, I hope you get some festive inspiration! Here are my nails & 12 other Holiday designs that I love:


My Holiday nails from today👆🏼


All images gathered from Pinterest. Follow me at Ruby Marie Peters

What’s your favorite Holiday nail design?

Xoxo,

Ruby Marie

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7 Must See Christmas Movies // Blogmas Day 11

Happy Blogmas Day 11 everyone!! I’m sorry for not posting for yesterday, it was a very busy day.

Today I thought I’d share 7 Christmas movies you need to watch this season.

  • Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

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  • White Christmas

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  • The Polar Express

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  • Miracle on 34th Sreet

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  • A Christmas Carol

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  • It’s a Wonderful Life

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  • A Christmas Story

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What are your favorite Christmas movies? Comment down below &I let me know!


xoxo,

Ruby Marie

Adventure, Blog, portrait

Snow Adventure Throwback // Blogmas Day 9 

Happy Blogmas Day 9! I was so sick today still so I decided to share a throwback of my hike to Franklin Falls with Angela!

It was a beautiful hike and very easy! I definitely recommend going. It is up by Snoqualmie Pass in North Bend!

Here are some photos from our adventure:

Comment your favorite PNW adventure, I’m always looking for new places to explore 🙂 

Xoxo, 

Ruby Marie